inkonpaper

It’s again a long time since I wrote to you… I don’t even remember when it was the last time, but it doesn’t matter anyway.

My thoughts are so present that only by writing them down I can put them into an order. The clearest order I can make is: in or out. Inside my mind, my soul and outside my mind, on the paper.

When I see the words laying on paper, they seem not to be mine anymore; they are free.

Do you know?

Sometimes it happens I want to write something. I have an idea and I hide it in a corner of my mind to recall it later and write it down when I have the tools.

But, guess what?

Seldom do I remember to take a pen and let the letters flow. Usually, something else occurs. I always have to do various tasks around the house—picking up things, washing, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dog, or hearing the precious word “Mum!” several times a day, persistently, and sometimes annoyingly… but I think you know better.

I only realise it now, I mean… for few years now. And, it’s so easy to lose yourself among these endless chores!

Moreover, I have to admit that it’s so frustrating forgetting things, especially when for a moment you remember, but still didn’t take the chance to write down; maybe put a reminder in the phone, but…nothing! Just relying on my memory: ‘Yeah, I’ll keep this in mind, it’s easy, how can I forget? And? Fuck! by the time the thought ends, I have lost it, it’s already forgotten. Then, my misery starts: ‘I knew this! I should have written it down! Why don’t I do this and that?! A mixed feeling of helplessness, stupidity and guilt.

Well, I wrote half page now and I think I have lost my idea. However, the main idea is that I love talking to you. You are one of the persons who understands me best and cares about me…

Yours,

E.