Dear M.,
I was always thinking of what you should have done…I thought I knew the cure to your sadness. You always said you were happy, but you were lying to yourself, not to us…
You accomplished everything you desired with regards to material achievements, but your eyes missed that full light, that fire and I thought I knew what could bring it back.
I have been thinking how to save you for more than 9 years now, and eventually I realised it wasn’t you I have to save… It’s me, I must save myself from bad thinking habits, from sadness, guilt, judgement, bitterness, insufficiency, hopelessness.
Wow! God save me from myself!
Watching you, I learnt that nothing actually can compensate anything in your heart; you have a place in your heart for everything and everybody, in example, even for your dog… however, your dog cannot fill in the emptiness left by any other thing or person!
I still have moments when tears wash my eyes involuntary, out of nowhere… and one question comes to my mind:
How can I know if you are all right?
08/05/2026
inkonpaper 